I’ve just finished wiping my face in mild frustration after realizing that I lost my previous post due to not understanding how my blog publisher works. I sit at my desktop with closed eyes, typing, trying not to let myself wander too much, fighting the urge to pick my phone up off the bed. I am slouching back in my bright green computer chair with poor posture. Now it is time to sit up and write to you.
There is a certain experience that I would like to share with you. I wonder if you feel it too or if you have ever felt it. I have had it recently; or, I have noticed it recently and given it a name. I suspect I have felt it in the past. It goes like this:
Suddenly I feel connected to the world. I feel as if I can see the nature of everything as it relates to me and me alone, and I feel this relation in an intensity; I feel all of my values in the world, as if they colored every object.
I experienced this last at the grocery store recently. I have often spent time carefully weighing all of my choices, going over different combinations of possible purchases, thinking–in language–what I should or should not get. But for a moment there, I felt like I was walking down the aisles, feeling the sum of my thoughts in every package. As if my thoughts, senses, intuitions and feelings all merged into one very informative stream that conveyed the meaning of the world through an aesthetic stream. I was guided by this stream, and I probably purchased the things I would have ordinarily purchased but it felt different–as if I were seeing and really experiencing my values in the world.
It’s a movement away from seeing the world in terms of language–which puts things in familiar boxes–and towards an experience that is musical or poetical.
I’ve experienced that same stream in other places: driving, sitting with my roommates’ cats, speaking with people. It feels like the right place to be. It is a state of being that I should aim more; maybe other people should too if they can find it too. Can they?
One word of caution, however: This way of experiencing the world is not a guide to truth or ethical action. It is a way of experiencing the world in accordance/harmony with your being and nature, your body and history. Our duty as humans extends beyond positive, aesthetic experience and towards areas of growth and the discomfort of the unknown.