I’m in my kitchen. Chicken is frying in the background. Caitlin is taking a picture of herself in the mostly-empty living room; she’s preparing to sell a bright lime-green blazer. 

I’ve had a bad day, for no real reason other than I have a slight hangover. My body is fine, but my emotions are not. I’m impulsive and brooding. Sensitive in bad ways.

But I’m still present. I’m coping well enough that Caitlin and I haven’t fought at all. 

Caitlin had a FaceTime video chat with her new roommates in Portland. They have a lot in common, to the point of it being shocking. (Into vintage clothes, from LA, going through a relationship issue.)

The rice cooker just ruined two cups of rice which is fine, except that we’re h[u/a]ngry. 

Yesterday, Caitlin and I went to Federal Way to attend Billy’s BBQ with his wife and a few of his friends. 

We had good conversations. But I did that thing where I get way too into my ideas to the point where it’s off-putting. [Caitlin says she promises I wasn’t offputting.] However, there was one guy there that seemed to enjoy it. We have very similar interests.

This phrase came to mind while I was having conversations: don’t let it get too hot

When I get too excited, it gets too intense. I get too intense. (Like my father, yuck.) People don’t like that level of agitation and intensity. 

So I thought back to a conversation with Caitlin about what it means to be cool. I believe her definition is superior to my own. (I was saying that a cool person is more popular with sophisticated taste.) She says a cool person is someone who is easy to hangout with. While sophistication and popularity have their place, I think she\’s right about the word cool.

This brings me back to my earlier point about the conversation getting too hot. A cool person can dissipate the heat of a conversation; they’re good at keeping their cool (and helping others keep their cool). A cool person knows what to do with the heat that comes from the scorching spotlight of awareness and the friction that comes with social interaction.

I look down at popculture and “basic people” because I don’t stand a chance at competing against them for attention. I should stop that. Who am I to say what is worthy of being paid attention to?