September 20, 2020

Over-the-phone job interview tomorrow for a position as a construction laborer at $18.00 an hour. —Not sure if giving up my unemployment a few months early is noble or foolish; unemployment pays just a bit over what I would be making if I worked full-time.

It\’s Sunday. Caitlin and I started going to the gym on Saturday. My entire body is sore. It is a good feeling. I need to eat more.

I\’m trying to teach her what I know. I am not a good teacher. I am overbearing and take everything personally. 

It\’s looking like I\’ll postpone graduate school at SJC till next Fall. 

But right now my current thought is that I might just be better off reading Plato on my own if I should ever feel like getting back to it in spite of my flakiness. The world doesn\’t need to me to achieve anything. The world doesn\’t need me to know anything or write anything. The world doesn\’t need another academic. The world doesn\’t need me to do anything in particular; —though I could lower my carbon footprint. Maybe if I had a special talent, then I would be called somewhere or be needed somewhere. But I don\’t have anything like that to offer. 

I\’ve done everything—within reason and sometimes beyond reason—I could to make myself useful in a noble, authentic way; it didn\’t amount to much . I have developed my own values. I\’m not a slave or a drone. I am an individual. I have value, and I can see that, and my friends can see that; and I think that is enough for now.

There\’s nothing I can do to change the world or move the tide. I have two hands, a body, a mouth, and too much on my mind. 

I\’m dreaming of a brand new Yamaha Tracer 900 or a Honda Africa Twin and a long ride down to Oaxaca.

I don\’t like Seattle. 

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